Hard to believe we’re already halfway through the 2025 NFL season. Hard to believe Mike McDaniel still has a job. Hard to believe the cops can’t do anything about that gang of no-good kids down the street, who constantly flip me off and call me “old man fur face”. Then, when I tell them to have some respect for their elders, they just start yelling “Six seven! Six seven!” and doing Fortnite dances at me. Lousy kids. Where are the parents?!
Unlike my annual season predictions posts (which are always 100% accurate and are meticulously researched), this will be just kind of a loosey-goosey, relaxed, pajama pants kinda thing. I’m just gonna tickle these keys on my Logitech keyboard and let you know the lay of the land out in football world at this moment.
Joe Flacco remains relevant in 2025. The Elite Dragon, Super Bowl champion is still out there, slingin’ it. He’s 61 years young, and has started for two different AFC North teams so far this year. He was part of the Browns team that beat Green Bay, and was traded in-season to a divisional rival, and played Green Bay again as a Cincinnati Bengal. How weird is that shit? Since joining the Bengals, he’s thrown 9 TDs to 2 INTs, and he put up 470 passing yards in his most recent outing against the Bears. Now, his team is 3-6 and is unlikely to even sniff the playoffs, but I dunno. I think it’s neat that this old bag of bones, who was largely relegated to a backup role the last few years, is still piloting a sometimes robust offense.
Cam Little broke the longest FG record. This was really cool! Jacksonville doesn’t get to have many nice things, but they now have this record. And they took it from Sex Pest Weirdo Justin Tucker, so that’s good. I like the detail of the holder showing the “it’s good” sign when the ball is about halfway there.
Skattebo gets a boo-boo. A different Cam, Cam Skattebo (pronounced “SKAT-ih-boo”, somehow), was having a heckuva rookie season. 7 total touchdowns, averaging 4.1 yards per carry, and just generally bringing the pain to opposing defenses. He was an angry little gremlin with the football. The kind of squatty little white boy who smells like dirt and would eat a piece of chalk if you dared him to, but would also never snitch. Know what I mean? He was fun to watch on a bad Giants team. Then he got a rather gruesome injury and it sucks. You know how normally your feet both point in the same direction? Yeah, his injury made that be not the case for him. Mercy. Here’s hoping he comes back in 2026 full of piss and vinegar.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I don’t think anybody had the Raiders penciled into the Super Bowl or anything, but these guys are a big disappointment. Now you may be asking yourself “But old man fur face, how can a team that was 4-13 last year be a disappointment this year?” Well, I’ll tell you. They made moves in the offseason that were not indicative of a team anticipating a multi-year rebuild. Rather than some hotshot young head coach, they went with Pete Carroll. He’s a Super Bowl winner, and the only person in the NFL who is older than Joe Biden. And they traded for Geno Smith, in lieu of drafting a hotshot young quarterback. The plan was obviously that they’d be at least a fringe playoff team this year, probably in the 8-10 win range, but they are currently 2-7 and look as hapless as a diabetic hippo in the sugarplum forest. They are as unwieldy as a bow-legged midget on stilts in the crow’s nest of a pirate ship. They are bad, is what I’m saying.
J.J. McCarthy demands to be taken seriously. This little dork has thrown for less than 200 yards in each game he’s started. He was apparently “injured” after his week 2 game against the Falcons, and didn’t see action again until this last week. Even though it seemed like he wasn’t injured, and it was more likely that Kevin O’Connell benched him because he fucking sucked. J.J. came out this week and said that he has an alter ego called “9” that comes out on gameday. He loves feeding that wolf. He’s a theatre kid that somehow ended up playing football. I like his super-strong big boy face paint, too. Wowzers. Also he is the son of former Packers coach Mike McCarthy.
Green Bay is okay. 5-2-1 is an ugly record, but I feel like a rich kid whining that the caviar is not to my taste. We’re still in first place in the division. The team is frustrating. Inconsistent. We can breeze through Detroit and Washington, and then look like middling little minnows against Cleveland and Carolina. LaFleur (French for “The Flower”) is rightfully taking some flack for his playcalling lately. I think he watches the film and gets an idea of how the game should go, and then is incapable of making any changes until about halfway through the fourth quarter. Why was every pass either a screen that started six yards behind the line of scrimmage or a 50 yard bomb against the Panthers? And then lo and behold, when we went to the quick game, the 5-9 yard slants and outs, we moved the ball down the field really well? I dunno. I think the coaching is a little too galaxy brained sometimes. We’re gonna be fine. I think we need more praxis than theory now.
Jets Fire Sale! Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Beams! The Jets traded away “Sauce” Gardner and Quinnen Williams, and as such have accrued many first round picks over the next couple of offseasons. Shitty teams should probably do this more often, honestly. The tricky part is drafting well, but they at least get a lot of bites at the apple.
Colts? Frauds. Daniel Jones is not Actually Good.
Nietzsche. When you stare long into an abyss, the abyss stares back into you. He was, of course, talking about fantasy football. Jayden Daniels (my 2nd pick), and Bucky Irving (my 3rd pick), have both been missing games due to injury, and now my Main Man Tucker Kraft is also out for the year. Old man fur face will find a way. It’s the next man up mentality in this building. Where my dogs at?! Woof, woof!
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