SATAN

A Satanic cult, bent on ushering in the end of days, has seized control of our nation!
50 million strong! They seek to rain fire and brimstone upon the world, crushing underfoot everyone who does not belong to their ranks. They worship a god of cruel judgment, and they need to speak to a manager.

Their places of worship resemble sports stadiums, as Spectacle and Consumption are principal tenets of this strange belief system.

They abhor a mystery, they seek to quash anything outside the familiar. Anyone different to them must be Evil. Must be suppressed, smothered, snuffed out. Deviation is wicked. Curiosity is a sin. Mayonnaise is spicy.

They re-write history to suit their needs. They claim the triumphs of their ancestors while absolving themselves of their misdeeds. They experience passion through HOA snitching. They feast with friends at Applebee’s while browbeating the waitress. They disdainfully explore the world with dark sunglasses in a brand new SUV that they have on credit. These are the Eaters, and they can shovel it into their mouths continually, but they will never be satisfied. Skeletons watching the same sandwich fall through their empty ribcage. Hatred is the principal thing in their heart. Hate for other people, hatred for themselves. Hatred for their time living here on the earth. However, they are not satisfied with the prospect of their own death. Others must suffer.

Let me be clear. They do not view themselves as a participant in the world, a temporary resident of this reality. They truly think the universe came into being with them, and they are frothing angry with the knowledge that they are going to die. How could this happen?! I need to speak to a manager.

The World Must End With Me.

It’s something with Israel, I dunno. Building a temple? That’s the trigger to make the end of the world happen I guess. These bottomless, self-absorbed shitheads want to initiate Armageddon. They would rather destroy the whole world than just figure out their own shit. And the way they think of it is so fucking stupid, too.

You’d imagine the eschaton would be kind of a rough day, right? Like you wake up, brush your teeth, go to get into the shower, and then a trumpet starts blasting and the sky cracks open and bats and locusts bust into the bathroom and start burrowing into your tear ducts and butthole. I get it. It sucks.

But they have completely made up a way how they can get out of any suffering! Imagine that! They are going to all fly into Heaven, bodily. There is no suffering for them! The whole point of the book of Revelations seems to me to be about enduring false prophets and adhering to the principals of Christianity in spite of great suffering, but man, that sounds like it might hurt! These Evangelicals get to skip it! Wow! It’s not even in the Bible, you stupid shit-heads! Some guy just made it up!

This doom-speaking cult is in the power structure of my country right now. You’d think it’s like the premise for a fantasy novel or something, but no. It’s just real life. There’s a lot of people who want to awaken the Great Red Dragon so they can go to Heaven. They don’t read the Bible. They just assume Jesus was really into guns and Ford trucks.

Meanwhile, punk is not dead. The dissatisfaction needs to funnel into something. It will eventually. We are going to win, in the longterm. A frog is sitting on a sandy beach by a river. Frogsong at night. I know I’m a visitor in a greater thing. I’m passing through, and I appreciate what you guys have done. What a lucky guy, to have found so much love here.

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